my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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