Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
