Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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