Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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