dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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