currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
