And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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