I'm laying in your front yard are you home
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...