I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.