In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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