Texts From Last Night

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  (713): View more from Texas

  well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there

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  (713): well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there http://tfl.nu/feia
  Replies (19) Good night (725) Bad night (5507)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.

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  (702): We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside. http://tfl.nu/zfn8
  Replies (2) Good night (972) Bad night (2742)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.

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  (713): He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop. http://tfl.nu/xdpv
  Replies (19) Good night (6222) Bad night (980)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.

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  (712): buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks. http://tfl.nu/xy6a
  Replies (5) Good night (3455) Bad night (991)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.

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  (318): I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change. http://tfl.nu/zbgz
  Replies (44) Good night (945) Bad night (3432)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.

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  (612): I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket. http://tfl.nu/c7zs
  Replies (5) Good night (1565) Bad night (1480)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.

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  (405): Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable. http://tfl.nu/luso
  Replies (16) Good night (1202) Bad night (2356)
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  (916): View more from California

  Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.

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  (916): Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap. http://tfl.nu/pbje
  Replies (9) Good night (546) Bad night (1751)
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  (949): View more from California

  I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall

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  (949): I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall http://tfl.nu/bi4y
  Replies (12) Good night (1082) Bad night (989)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.

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  (678): It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls. http://tfl.nu/0s5d
  Replies (6) Good night (1278) Bad night (710)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.

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  (804): Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare. http://tfl.nu/gxnn
  Replies (5) Good night (988) Bad night (479)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level

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  (508): New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level http://tfl.nu/zu28
  Replies (5) Good night (451) Bad night (731)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "

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  (317): I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time " http://tfl.nu/0ln5
  Replies (4) Good night (1029) Bad night (501)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight

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  (802): I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight http://tfl.nu/4k57
  Replies (1) Good night (806) Bad night (536)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision

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  (214): In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision http://tfl.nu/s7qw
  Replies (0) Good night (437) Bad night (311)

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