is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.