the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
