I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
