only if we run a train.
done.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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