Can Purell be used as lube?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
