Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
