Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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