she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
