im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
