xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
