If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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