watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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