There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
