I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
