i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
