Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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