Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
