She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize