What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
