Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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