So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
