Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
