It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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