tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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