Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
