i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
