3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
