This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
