Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
