Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
