1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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