living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
