He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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