Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
