I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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