i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
