Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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