Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
