Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
