I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
