nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
