Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
