I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
