Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
