My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
