In the future we'll all be gay
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
