so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
