the day after is always just damage control
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
NoShamevember. You game?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
