I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
