so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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