my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
