We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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