You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
