The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
