Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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