This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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