I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
