if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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