Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
