I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize