Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
