i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I look better un-naked...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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