i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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