Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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