stop calling my apartment porn island.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I want to fling myself into the sun
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